Schmucklord & The Army of the Twelve Donkeys are a parody of The Sucklord, making us very witty and ironic. Use The Farce. Clever.
Items for sale are not toys and are not intended for ages under 15. They are also not time machines created by squid people of the 6th dimension.
By buying our products you are stating that you are aware of this and that you accept that saving your money would have been a wise choice.
Now, go forth and waste your money.